A Year Full of Chocolates (I lasted a year of blogging!)

A phoenix rises from the ashes.

The rules

  1. In the hope of preserving the authenticity of this award, only one blogger is to be awarded by the recipient who forwards it to his/her next Phoenix. (Let’s keep this chain moving while rewarding the best please).
  2. Awarding is done by presenting the blogger and post extract considered as a Phoenix via a post with a link to the phoenix post. Explain why this post is your Phoenix. Notify the lucky blogger.
  3. 5 random questions can be asked to the awardee.
  4. Please remember to appreciate the award and the blogger who thought of you for this award.
  5. Display your award for all to see and be proud to call yourself a phoenix.
  6. Mention the creator of the award and please don’t let the chain die out.

Award creator is a very awesome gal over at idealizeblog. It took a while for me to respond to her fiery nomination but here it is at last; on a fitting day as my anniversary!

You’ll tire of their names soon enough but they have been good friends of mine here and I admire each  of their styles in writing. Eni, writes a really chic lifestyle blog and Jerel just had his own anniversary post too with an agenda of his own. They are both phoenixes in their own right. Cheers to us all, rising from the flames!

Excerpt: It’s been a year fellas! It’s been a year of writing and sharing my thoughts to y’all. A year full of bipolar schizophrenic tendencies and posts. Craziness and poetry in poems. A year ago, I decided to share my thoughts to a wider audience. A year ago, I started to open up doors for me and try to meet people from all parts of the world even if only from behind the colorful words and the comfort of my cellphone or computer screen. Nevertheless, I had fun. And I’m not about to stop now.

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It has been exactly one year and two weeks since I first started my blog. It had the title “Wanderlust: Living Life poetically” and it had a different URL then. A few months after I started, I have accumulated friends and people in my community and was nominated my first award. Not long after that, my blog grew, and so did my community.

“Life is what happens, when you’re busy making other plans,” you keep hearing (seeing) me say (me write) and I agree. Because just when I was on a huge roll, I decided to change my blog’s URL for personal reasons and I had to start from scratch. Well, not entirely from scratch but… As a WordPress user, you know what I mean… It meant I would later then have new subscribers, new people coming to my blog trying to figure out why in one minute I could tell you about how my day is going so well and that I am happy and yet still manage to write something so depressing like a story on a girl’s suicide.

I did have my moments. I realize how many poems of longing I have written. And how hard I wanted people to know I was not into it. But I see friends and their happily ever after’s and I get jealous. Growing up, I would criticize most cheesy Romantic Comedies that have too good to be true storylines. And then there are films like 500 Days of summer that slap you in the face. “Wake up, Mona! Who are you kidding? You are a romantic. You crave affection. Attention. Much like the girls you criticize in those sappy films. You fall in love just as quick. You have been this way for so long. It just took you longer to admit it. And you know it.” What is love really? Is it definable? When is one ready to commit to someone? For so long, I had this motto that love is not the love that the world wants us to believe. Well, I used to say that it’s all just commitment – staying in spite and despite of the emotions. I wish I could tell you I have never fallen in love and fallen for sweet words alone. Because the truth is that underneath the loud, sometimes raunchy, wide-eyed girl, is a sappy, sarcastic, romantic. I wish I could say I no longer look  for more in the words people say to me. I wish sometimes, don’t secretly hope there’s more to acts of kindness or that I no longer get ahead of myself and assume he likes me just because he opened the door for me. I wish I could, really. Gahd. I’m pathetic, still.

My community has grown this far in just over a year both here on WordPress alone, and those that follow me in my other social media accounts. I am truly grateful. I have met such amazing people, learned lessons from their mistakes and their comments. I have read about people’s struggles and write about mine, all in the comfort of my own bed at night and my comfortable chair in the office.

 

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The friends I have met here, though mostly overseas, y’all guys are pearls and I am thankful that you have shared this journey with me. I am about to start my new venture now. It’s nothing especially different to this one and the one I initially started but I hope that with it, I become a better blogger, person and friend to you all, my readers. I was selfish when I first started, I was trying to maneuver life on my own and not listen to that nagging voice in my head telling me go the different way whenever I see danger. I was taking risks putting myself out for the whole world to see. I am still taking that risk now. Only this better, bolder and wiser. 6This time, I won’t hold back. I’ll curse when I feel like it, I’ll throw shade at people if I feel like it, I hope I won’t get to though. I don’t want to be a jerk all the time. I’m a quirky little girl who lives in the city of Cagayan de Oro in Mindanao. I am here for you all. I am here mostly, though, to be a better human being.

All I ever wanted for as long as I can remember was relationships with real people. I also learned this lesson the hard way. I’d be betrayed by people I trust but at the time, I wouldn’t mind because loneliness would hurt more than their betrayal. I would not mind their constant talks behind my back just as long as they’d talk to me during recess or that they’d accompany me during weekends when it’s boring. I was a kite for so long, I didn’t know where I was headed.

Back in my previous writings, I admit to writing on days just because I haven’t posted in a while. This time, in my new venture towards blogging, I will commit to it. I may not be able to write as often as I want to, but it will not be half-baked. I will mean every word and read and reread. One writer said, write drunk, edit sober. I will. I will write when I’m drunk of memories, when I’m so full of emotions that the words will come flowing through me like water on a waterfalls. It’s not attention that I crave anymore. I believe I’m all past that phase now. It’s a struggle. It really is. when you find yourself about to go sleep at night and when you look back at how your day had gone, and all you come up with is… wake up, ready, work, home, dinner, sleep. It is a struggle at how mundane your life is and you go through social media and see how many places your friends have gone through. How happy their lives are and how big their smiles are on their faces. Friends are not the ones you have on your Facebook account, they are not your acquaintances or mere followers who like your every post. They are the ones who follow you and go with you on your journey. The ones who smile when you smile. The ones who gleefully cheer for every accomplishment. The ones that grieve with you on your loss. The ones who wait patiently with you for the next game of Thrones season (couldn’t resist). 7I realized that relationships, in whatever nature they are in, take time to build. Nothing rashly built will ever have a solid foundation. Everything is a result of my actions… or inaction. I have to live with it. I have to get over the shit and rise through them all. As of late, I’m petty, selfish, jealous, and naive. Those and many more. It’s not a race anyways. Time is on my side. I’ll keep moving. No matter how, I will.

They say a friend to all is a friend to none. I never really liked the idea of choosing friends before. But over the past few months, I have decided against it. I decided it’s not about choosing friends. It doesn’t really matter, anyway. Labels are for clothes. I once asked a friend I’ve known for a year now, who was also on his own journey of self-discovery a question. “Should I leave a friendship if I get jealous of my friend?” My friend’s response was stern, at best. Trust me, it wasn’t butterflies and flowers, at all. In fact, it was icy as hell.  It goes, “Your friend will be happy, with or without you.” And the worst part is, yes, it’s true. People will always be happy with or without me. I will be happy with or without people too. I know that now. I am not here to fulfill any expectation you have of me nor are you here to fulfill any expectation I have of you. It sounds a bit cynical but take it as you will. My journey towards self-discovery is not over yet. Perhaps, it will never end. I will be perfectly fine if only a handful of people will join me in my journey. I will also be perfectly fine if no one will. The numbers do not matter to me now. They are a distraction.

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A friend to all is a friend to none. What did Aristotle mean by that?

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.

Over the course of 1.03833073 years (12 months and two weeks) we’ve been through a lot! Been through highs and lows. Blissful moments, not so blissful moments…  I’ve talked about regretting and what it is for me. My fascination with Sherlock, chess, tennis, and why Ronald Weasley is my favorite fictional character of all time. In my 100-day anniversary, I had written a total of 300 posts then. It’s been a crazy year y’all! October, teacher’s day. November, my father’s birthday and my grandma’s death. December, Christmas in the Philippines! January, a new year! February, a weird Valentine’s Day as usual. March, graduation blues. April, officially a graduate! May, summertime and water rafting! June, new job and I turned 21. July, movies. Movies. Movies. And now we’re here. A year full of chocolates. Thanks for staying. Thanks for eating those flavors with me.

The question is: Will you eat some more?

 

7 thoughts on “A Year Full of Chocolates (I lasted a year of blogging!)

  1. You were one of my first real, regular, engaging readers and it’s an honor to be one of yours. I’d like to see your subject matter evolve past longing, but I hope you continue to hone and emphasize your style, of which I have no complaints. To the year past and the many years ahead, cheers.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay! That’s sweet. Thank you so much for the constant support. It’s a real pleasure having to learn things from you and living vicariously through your posts has helped in lots of ways. My style? Eh? I’d still pretty much write like I talk. Hahah. To the year past and many years ahead, cheers.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow I think this is one of your most touching, if not the most touching post ever. I had tears in my eyes all along. I definitely agree with you, and the changes that occur in our lives, pain, happiness, hope, sacrifice. It’s meant to make us stronger dear, and this leap that you’ve taken is a new chapter in your life and I can only encourage that. I may not be your friend but I’ll definitely be reading when I can and will always leave a comment if needs be 😉 Lots of love to you dear 😄 and the best is yet to come 💐👏💐🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww… thank you so much! You have been such an amazing source of positivity and support too! You? Not a friend? Of course you are! Y’all are! I write because people like you exist and because you guys show me that there are definitely things in life worth sharing to people from all over the world! Love lots from the Philippines to you too! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

      Like

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