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Tea, Vulnerability, and Strength

​How do you find your passion? Is it your calling? Does it come in the wee hours of the night and haunt you? Are these things developed or inculcated to you by your environment? Or were you just born with that burning desire? As the saying goes, if you want to sound profound, quote someone else. This can be loosely attributed to me, in some ways since I barely have most of my ideas on my own. Almost all, if not, certainly a great deal number of what I write about, are from my friends’ point-of-views in life and their words. That is why I feel so much proud and flattered whenever people acknowledge and notice them because, these are not my words, literally. I stole them!
And tonight will not be any different. I had a very trying day, and trust me, trying is an understatement. But, nevertheless, work was done and things got accomplished. The most awaited part of the day arrived. Tea time. It has been my only comfort these past few days and I have been blessed to have had a good conversationalist to share it with. But tonight, I saw a very different side of her. Tonight I saw her quirkiness, like she always shows, but I saw her on the brink of crying and giving up on trying to explain certain things she wanted me to understand but could not find the words too. I saw her in her vulnerable state and I, as real as the events unfold, could not help but feel awed by her bipolarity – her poles, completely contradictory and fickle all at the same time. You begin to see the positivity and negativity in one setting and, as weird as this may sound, is fascinating for me. People often say that you never really get to know someone unless you see their dark side, but I have not been a firm believer for such idealization. I know you, for all you have shown and for the lines you choose to unravel. I am, in all honesty, and it is much obvious, a vocal person but I am not share-y. I vomit out experiences to people I know would listen and to those I know would care. I show my evil most of the time, but I rarely show my vulnerable side. Why? Human nature, I guess. And tonight’s series of conversations led to a very solemn night of contemplation. It started from a rant about work and responsibilities, to the gross couple kissing beside our table at the tea shop, which then moved on to questions that either added or subtracted years from your life, and eventually, to passion.
There are certain people you would always want to converse with, no matter what day it might be. There are, also, certain conversations you wish would never end. Not because you love talking to the person, but because you love having ‘the’ conversation.
Passion is something you feel you are so much into. Cooking, eating, writing, blogging; it might not even be hobbies – food, books, places, dogs, cats, mice even! The point is, you feel giddy when you talk about it that you never want to stop babbling about it. Tonight, I saw and felt a friend’s enthusiasm as she explained why she loves talking about and eating food. It was such a fun thing to experience and a thrill to watch! The way her face lighted up at every food term she used; basting the fish before frying it, and how she learned to love the art of cooking when she was only a kid, was a very inspiring thing to experience. I got all giddy and excited when she clenched her fists, unable to fully explain her love for her art and how much she loves talking about it. The way she pounded the walls just to be able to show her burst of emotions at the very thought of cooking, delighted me in ways she can never imagine. I smiled as she vividly recalled her memories about her grandma’s cooking and told me about how her father cooks a certain dish perfectly. And as she waved her hand like someone void of disbelief saying, “I know all the types of cutting, Julienne cutting, etc…” I smile at her enthusiasm because not all of us have the strength the verbalize it. Not all of us have the courage to pursue it. An author once wrote, “If you wake up in the morning, and all you can think about is singing, then you were born to be singer. If you wake up in the morning and all you can think about is writing, then you’re a writer.” Even now, as I recall our conversation, I smile as I remember her face – full of promise and passion, and enthusiasm. She laid down her dreams before me, her plans, and I am proud, for the countless conversations we had, and the countless more we will still have, that I, in one night, saw these sides in her personality. She was vulnerable and strong, all at once. For a time, our worries and regrets faded. Because the thought of food and passion and dreams brought us to a place we both know we would soon take. Both of us, share the same experience; having had to reroute our way towards our true passion, but we will get there someday, because we are vulnerable enough. And we are courageous enough to dream. 

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