Earlier this day, I had a conversation with someone which made me want afternoon tea. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, it resulted to “it” being evening tea. Hah! If such a thing exists.
Little did I know, though, that this drink would lead me to a night full of questions.
After work, I went to school to meet up with a friend and catch up on matters. Matters of the heart. Yes. Typical. All that and more, really.
We walked towards the shop. My friend, recalling certain events over the past few months and enumerating frustrations. Giving every detail as vividly and as fast as one’s mouth could possibly allow. I saw myself in the situation. When stuck, I finish the sentence.
Friend: … I do not know why I fell in love. I do not want to assume. I am angry. And helpless at the same time.
Me: Because you are not sure and yet you are hoping.
Friend: Why do you always know what to say?
Me: I’ve been there, remember?
There we were; talking and sharing (my friend did most of the talking really, I mostly listened and filled in every blank, to speed things up).
And as the tea got the better of me and chills… I said we better head home. We walked once more to where I my ‘ride’ was supposedly waiting and then, bid goodbye.
End of story.
The thought. The questions.
One particular topic that resonated within me throughout the evening is why people who, in the eyes of others, are an item, and yet for some reason, are not ‘together’.
It struck a chord in me.
As you all may well know, I wrote a story a while back entitled Cowards who Loved telling a tale of how two people loved each other but for some reasons reason knows not, they never got together. What makes people be afraid to love? Or … Why is it so hard for most people to commit? Is impulse enough for someone to be able to cut ties with someone they once had a ‘thing’ with? Is one lie or one fault reason enough to leave? Must we approach love with a cynical point of view to avoid hurt, sorrow and pain?
It is very easy to be cynical about love. But you watch just the right amount of romantic films, see plenty of lovers walk around the streets holding hands, hear stories from friends of how happy they are with their significant other’s and you tell yourself, we are, all of us, after all, hopeless romantics. We crave for love and affection. We love attention like a dog wags its tail to its owner. We long for affirmation and sweet words from people. That isn’t so hard to believe now, is it?
This particular thought came to mind as I conversed with my friend and I couldn’t help but wonder. Why, indeed? Why do lovers walk away from themselves when their hearts are breaking?
When did kissing someone mean you’ll be gone the morning of the very next day? Why do people say goodbye when it’s pretty obvious they want to stay? When has love become so complicated?
I get it. Commitment is a frightening thing.
It may be because we once were hurt so badly and we do not want to be hurt again. It may be for a whole other reason. It may be that we are afraid of getting hurt because we see our friends get hurt by douchebags and see them still fall for that same douchebag all over again, despite constant advices and reprimandings to go away. But who am I to judge, really? All I have are vicarious experiences. I know they are not nothing, but one cannot dictate ones feelings. The heart will always want what it wants.
So, then, if boy loves girl and girl loves boy, why are they not together?
They are not together because they are cowards.
One , the other, or both.
They are not together because friendship matters.
I’d rather be your forever friend, than be your lover for a while.
Because… yes, there’s more to a relationship, than just loving the person. There’s loyalty, sacrifice, patience and understanding. You know… All that jazz.
In Christina Perri’s song: The Words, she says:
I know the scariest part is letting go.
Cause love is a ghost you can’t control.
I promise you the truth can’t hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your month.
Really? … Hmmm…A debatable issue.
Truth and reality. So again, I ask. Why?
I do not know the answer too. It varies, really.
But whatever the reason is, it’s not irrational to think that commitment can hurt you.
Because it can.
Perhaps that is the reason why him and I were never more than friends.
Perhaps it is why my friend and ‘that someone’ aren’t together too.