Birthday Rants: For a clown’s 18th

A post from @ManvsLoneliness inspired me.

This certain “greeting”, yes it is a greeting was one I had written for him a year ago on the 10th of October.

Bringing this out for the whole world to see is my way of saying, “Hey, I have moved on.”


Words, in my humble opinion, are the most inexhaustible source of magic in this world.

  1. He probably has the most common name in the world but his other name’s clearly not from this planet.
  2. He says Pft a lot.
  3. He is a clown.
  4. Clowns, for your information, are people who make other people happy when inside, they themselves are not.
  5. He is probably one of the most damaged people I have met, thus definitely one of the wisest too.
  6. He asked what he was to me and I’d never tell him the first thing that popped inside my head then (*sticks out tongue*).
  7. I like his hair.
  8. I like him because he read my favorite book, The Little Prince just because I wrote it as one of the must-reads in one of my articles.
  9. He is secretive but opens up when easily rattled.
  10. You know he’s drunk when he tells you “I’m not drunk. I’m just a bit tipsy. And my head hurts. And I want to vomit.”
  11. He calls you because he’s concerned because you texted him you’re sorry for shouting curse words at him.
  12. He is surprisingly direct and inconsistent.
  13. Even though he doesn’t say it, he believes in the things he denies.
  14. His smile can fool others, so my best advice is, see through it.
  15. He is still single because his zodiac sign says, he flirts with everyone!
  16. He is a sanguine melancholic.
  17. Thus, it means we are both extrovertly introvert.
  18. He is my clown.

Dear clown,

You won’t be reading this because I won’t be giving it to you. I just thought I wanted to write these down instead of just blurting them out into thin air. I guess a part of me wants you to read it, though. Because still, hopeless as my case may be, I am still hoping. But I know that even if you read this, nothing would change between us. Well anyway, today is your birthday and I want to tell you that since the very start of the month, I have been counting the days until its arrival. And now that it has come, I am too terrified to even call you or text you three simple words. I just keep on pacing inside my room, restless. I imagine scenarios when I’d call you late at night, like I always do, and you’d tell me I am such a nuisance and that I should stop bothering you and it scares me. It scares me because, well, you know the reason for that. You are the only person I’ve ever met that has lasted a week texting me – straight. Let alone months.

And so, now would be a perfect time to answer your question, don’t you think?

Question: Who am I to you?

You probably dont remember my response then so I’d reiterate it once more.

You are someone whom I can’t remember how we met, but somehow we did! And someone whom I can’t remember how we started hanging out, but we did. You were someone who understood me as me and I liked you since that first meeting. And blah, blah, blah. I just actually never thought there’d be someone like you in my world full of ordinary and mundaneness.

Every single word is true. I really couldn’t quite remember the details of our first meeting. All I remember was me coming inside the office and you were there. We clicked, you and I (or so I thought). Then you were gone. I don’t remember the details of our first meeting, but I remember every single thing that happened during our first conversation; both personal and virtual. I remember the feeling/s you give me every time we talked; both personal and virtual. I remember it all; just not the beginning. I don’t know why that is. Why one can actually remember the middle of it all, but not the start. And they say people only remember the beginning because of first impressions and whatnots. I guess I really am not like the rest. Maybe. And for all the right reasons, and for all the wrong ones too (if there are any), I would like to thank you. THANK YOU because you are someone who for all those countless times has made me smile. THANK YOU because you are someone who was always there, at the other side of the line. And like how you think of me as someone who reminds you that we must always come back to reality, you remind me that fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living too. I wish I could just about enumerate all the wishes I could possibly have for you, but I can’t because that would be a complete waste of time. Augustus’s words: Apparently, the world is not a wish-granting factory. And so, the best bet then is to just tell you this: I wish you all the best life has got to offer (although, that too is pretty far off the bat), more memories to share with your friends, family, and loved ones. I wish you more pictures to take, more bottles to topple over and more smiles to share to the world. Write it all down, or let it all out, it doesn’t matter. Just let it be, clown. Cause it is reality.

And so as tradition would say, after the thanks, and wishes, a word of advice would be next. (I researched how to write a birthday greeting, kidding). Stay true to yourself, clown. Stay you, but don’t hide in your facade. Friends, as we both know, will sometimes betray us, and pain is always right at the next corner but we must always be stronger. Pain is a gift, remember? Pain reminds us that we are human after all. And if that pain causes us to change then so be it. We can either be victims or victors of change. It all depends upon perspective. Change if you must … and you will, but never forget who you are. Always remember that history is repeated only by those who never learned from the past.

Well, you’re 18 now. And just to be very clear, I just turned 19, you dimwit! Anyways, it’s your name day and so I salute you! For surviving yet another year in this godforsaken world we live in. And so here’s to you dear clown, and all the times you have spent with every person you love. Here’s to you and all the times that you messed up. Here’s to you, fill and the glass and if life gives you hell, tell it to go f*ck itself (poker face inserted). Here’s to you, here’s to your dark side, regrets, accomplishments, and everything else in between. Here’s to you and your life ahead of you. Here’s to love, friendship, fear, joy, pain, anger, contentment and happiness. And just in case you didn’t quite notice me quoting the chorus of Halestorm’s song, I will say it once again.

Here’s to you, clown. This is your birthday gift.

For every year that goes by, a year older we are. You’d still be beautiful then, bless your beautiful heart.


The Noble Friend

Because my name can’t be anagrammed into something nice

8 thoughts on “Birthday Rants: For a clown’s 18th

    1. Yes it has. It a lot of ways.
      Still miles away but I am smiling now, so I am okay. Hahaha! As I edited this and uploaded it, it brought back memories but I can now say them without ache pouring out.

      Liked by 1 person

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