A Fool’s Defense

Boy: Do you like me?

Girl: Yes, I do. Why do you ask?

Boy: How much?

Girl: Can’t tell.

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: –

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: I don’t know.

Girl: You were never sure.

Boy: I was when we became close.

Girl: Huh? When?

Boy: Never mind.

Girl: … I love him.

Boy: Who?

Girl: You!

Boy: You serious?

Girl: Yes, I am.

Boy: You love me?

Girl: Yes.

Boy: Wow, that’s sudden.


Boy: I love you.

Girl: nervously laughs
The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage. Others call it MU or Mutual understanding. Pseudo relationships. Pseudo boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.

– “Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi”

You confess and he says he likes you but he doesn’t want to waste a good friendship with your ‘long distance’ relationship. And so there you are, stuck with him as your phone buddy. You talk for hours on the phone…

And you feel happy. You talk of trivial things, serious things, you may even have talked about the situation both of you are currently experiencing. Sometimes, having something halfway is better than having nothing at all! You tell yourself. But even in pseudo relationships, the feelings are real. It happens slowly and you choose to ignore it. You get anxious when he doesn’t respond to your countless disturbances. You find yourself spending most of your allowance for load. Your friends feel he is taking advantage of you but you ignore them because the fog called ‘love’ clouds your judgment and you tell them it’s nothing because both of you are just friends and it is just a game.
But what if pretending becomes too painful in the end? What then when the game becomes true and reality slaps you in the face? That YOU and HIM are not an ‘item’. You have nothing you hold on to. You would never lose him because you never had him from the start. The pain starts to sink in but you still do it to ease the ache. You still call him and continue to disturb him even though sometimes you feel your efforts are in vain. And after every phone call ends and the night is drawing to a close, you sleep soundly at night hoping tomorrow would come soon enough for you to call him once again. And the cycle keeps on going – the pain, never ceasing. But who cares? Who cares if you’re hurting? A foolish mistake but a mistake you’d do over and over again – because it’s him. Not all pseudo relationships have a happy ending, but you still hope.

Pseu·do [sdō] adjective – not genuine: not authentic or sincere, in spite of appearances.
Until then though, you won’t change your social media status. It’ll remain “It’s Complicated.”

8 thoughts on “A Fool’s Defense

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