He called, and yet for some reason, I'm not smiling like before

This is an excerpt from a wattpad story. A fanfiction about two singers.

There is no cure for unrequited love. It’s a disease that weakens your heart in indescribable ways. Watching the person you love love someone else — seeing them so happy without a single trace of you in their mind — is enough to take your life. You would say that it’s destroying your heart, but the fact of the matter is that that heart isn’t yours to destroy. It hasn’t  been since the day you fell in love with them. Unrequited love is a cancerous sickness, and you only know you’re ill when you feel yourself dying.
And it’s typical. The hardest things to let go are the things you never had.

This took a lot of strength to write.

He called. Tonight. He called.

I texted him, you see.

There are certain people whom you know would never disappoint you when you turn to them for help and so no matter what history both of you had, you go to them.

And so, he called. Apparently, he’d gone to so much trouble trying to reach me. As touched as I was, I hid my excitement and thoughts into a ‘joke’ statement. Hoping he didn’t catch on.

We talked. For a moment, I was in bliss. I let it all go. I poured it all out. Words , dripping out of my mouth like honey, just not the sweet kind. He told me he could only call for an hour or so because of load issues on his phone, and it was fine. I heard his voice again. And I was fine. I forgot about my worries. We talked about how our days were since our last conversation and he was very much enthusiastic about everything that’s been going on about my life and his, too.

I was happy.

I was smiling.

I was laughing.

He sang to me.

We talked, like always. And he made jokes. I would laugh and the cycle would begin.

For a time, we were FINE.

Until he brought it up. His girlfriend is now interning for a hotshot reporter in their area and he is proud. I am happy for him. And her. Don’t get me wrong. I am.

I just wish it were me.

We talked some more and I told him I have a blog now. And I met new people. I told him they mostly live outside the Philippines so I might never get to see or hear them and the closest interaction is me, them, and the screen.
And he said…


And I  sat there, by the gate, phone in hand, AGAPE.

Me: Seriously, do you want me to tell you what you told me?

Him: No. *jokingly* Haha! I know I said a lot of bad stuff about LDRs before.

Me: Hah! That’s an understatement.

Seriously? He’s gonna lecture me on how there’s nothing wrong with LDRs when in the first place, he was the one who told me he wouldn’t want it because it ruins GOOD friendship.

I was pissed.

I was shocked.

I was disappointed.

Some things in life are better learned the hard way, I guess.

I am happy he called.

I am sad I am not his girlfriend.

But I am fine.

I am trying to be.

Why do I keep falling for those who do not love me back?
Answer: We do, because unrequited love is easier to live through than once-requited love.
P.S. This is just a rant. How I would feel after writing this is irrelevant for me, for now, I think. But if you do think I have said stuff that may be demeaning in a way, please do say so but be kind.

I just wanted to let it out.

I mean, I loved this guy.

What happened to him?

Where’s he gone?

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